It seems that everywhere I look now addictions are going on. Whether they be the sweet innocent ones which refer to shiny things, or slightly more difficult ones like food, to the extreme of crack-cocaine and such. I believe my reasoning for obsessing so much on addictions right now is because of my torn stance right now on marijuanna. On one hand there's my dad who smokes it and talks about it all the time willingly about it around me but won't give more information than "I love smoking pot <3 WHOOOO" I asked my dad, innocently of course in the sake of wondering if I knew the person, who his dealer was. Dad responded with a yelling fit which essentially boiled down to "Its none of your concern." Then on the other hand there's the newest boyfriend who has a love affair with the plant to the extent that you could call him a pot conessieur due to his broad experience with different types.

Of course I don't see any reason for me to hinder his addiction because its his life and his lungs. Ontop of it all he is not smoking to access, most of the time atleast, and he is able to turn down smoking pot easily. However I am worried about the amounts that both of the men in my life smoke. My dad, being more recent than my boyfriend to the scene, has taken up incredible lengths of smoking. He has allowed himself to become addicted to the point that he can't do anything unless he has atleast a buzz going. My boyfriend on the other hand will smoke up twice, maybe three times a week each time taking three hits of a lung then he's done.

I mean I have heard all the different story's on marijuana and I've heard all the points of view. "Pot is bad cause it destroys your brain cells" "Pot just makes you really unmotivated, thats all" "Pot is a gate-way drug" But which of these opinions should I take to my own heart? I mean as much as I care for both of these people they have made their decisions and all I can really do is take care of myself. Even if I were to believe strong-heartedly in the abolishment of such drugs than I dont think either of them would just stop cold turkey on my behalf.

I mean of course from my boyfriends perspective I dont want to change him whatsoever. I mean theres that old reineration of its his life not mine and of course I wouldn't want to be that nagging girlfriend trying to change him for "the better" when I myself dont even know how I feel about marijuanna. Of course, me being me, I had to try it again just to ensure that i wasn't one of those people who ranted about how bad something is when I hadn't even tried it myself. So I tried three hits of a lung (essentially a 2L bottle with the bottom part cut off so a plastic bag can be taped over and a holed tinfoil sheet can go over the bottle mouth. You push the bag up into the bottle, then as you light the marijuanna, you pull down on the bag letting in the smoke, you take off the tinfoil and then inhale 2L of the smoke right there) It only took me two and a half then I was gone GONE GONE GONE GONE!

Just thinking of it now makes me feel tripped out. I hate feeling as if I am not in control of my body, so of course my giggle/smiling fits freaked me right out to the point where I just held myself and tried to fall asleep to wear off the throbbing of endorphins, the feeling of constant dejavu becuase every molecule of my being was screaming at me one-hundred times over, and of course the strange course my mind took allowing me to believe that I had to suddenly fling myself out of a vheacle and into the grass emmiting fresh oxygen which was much needed for my rasping brain. Overall a strange experience which ended with me just sleeping in my boyfriends lap until the effects subsided. Needless to say the day after (including back to back exams) was quite the day.